I thought I’d share with you this week something a little deeper than usual and a rather personal story.. not about me, but indirectly very much about me, because it’s about my mother. It’s in relation to the article above and my mum’s childhood story which I read about in the paper for the very first time last week.
Despite knowing from an early age about my Mum’s history and that she was a Barnados children’s home kid after being taken away from her own mother, my grandmother. It still came as a surprise and a bit of a shock to read how the journalist described the scene at the court all those years ago when she was rescued by the NSPCC. I didn’t think it would affect me so much, but reading the article about her “unwanted child” made me sob. Amazingly, my sister had found the newspaper cutting some 65 years after the fateful day when my mum last saw her mother as a child, and reading it again brought it all flooding back, I think for us all.
I remember the horrid stories she’d told me as if they were etched on my heart, how she would be locked in the downstairs cupboard and left for hours and sometimes overnight, how she’d have to walk to school with wellington boots on, not shoes and worst still that how on occasions, he’d tried to strangle her and only then did her mother finally do anything and call for help. But the most tragic one for me was her mother promising to visit her in the children’s home so that every week with the little pocket money she had received, she’d buy her a gift incase one day she actually turned up. When she left the home, apparently she was handed two big sack loads of presents for a mother who had never even bothered to come.
It was so sad to hear as a child that my mother never really had a mother and she had never found out who her father was either, so my grandfather on that side was unknown. From the age of 3 until 7 she’d endured terrible times, and some of you know from experience that things that happen to us that young get absorbed very deeply into our sense of self and who we are later on down the line. When we are ill treated, abused, neglected or shamed as children it can stick with us into adulthood and require some sort of work on ourself to dissolve the negative opinions that have been imprinted from way back when.